Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
