My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Randomize
