I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
