update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
it's like heaven, but drunker
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Randomize
