Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
