Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize