i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
