lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
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