chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Randomize
