Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
