I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
