he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
