We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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