I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
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