Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
