I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
