he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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