he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
Randomize
