She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
We left an ass print on the piano.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
He shit in the fireplace
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Randomize
