so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
We got so high we made milksteak
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
