You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
