well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
