So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Randomize
