I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
