Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
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