she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
