am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
