I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Randomize
