you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
