my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
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