in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
