Just mADE A PArabola og urine
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize