I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Randomize
