one word: firstdatebathroomanal
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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