Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Randomize
