Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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