I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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