you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
the liver wants what the liver wants
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Randomize
