I think scott just propositioned me for sex
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
last night I used snow as a chaser
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
