living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
bring money and cleavage
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
