Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Randomize
