Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
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