I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Randomize
