so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
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