I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
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