She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Randomize
