I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Randomize
