I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
