don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
