i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
